


Friendships can be a Pain in the Ass

by aimless38



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 22:52:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4410983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimless38/pseuds/aimless38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy, Maes and one badly timed make out session.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friendships can be a Pain in the Ass

“Please Roy if you have even one shred of decency in that body of yours don’t tell em how this happened.”

“You’re just lucky Maes that I dragged you here at all.”

Lieutenant Maes Hughes lay face down on the examination table in the medic’s tent. He could feel the blood from his injury trickling down his skin to make a little red puddle on the table. His friend and comrade leaned against a support beam and idly polished his nails on his uniform.

“But Roy I would have bled to death! I’m grievously wounded here! Don’t you care at all?” Maes sniffled loudly hoping to wring any sympathy at all from the asshole smirking at him. Oh he couldn’t see Roy’s face but he could feel that damned smirk from all the way across the room.

“Why should I? You never should have done that! We were under orders to stay alert. To guard the south gate. But Nooooo you just had to have your way.” Roy Mustang shook his head and sighed loudly as if he were the wounded party.

“Roy! I was bored. The only reason we were sent to that armpit of the camp was because you put snakes in the commander’s bed. You know you should really learn to take compliments better.” Maes grimaced as his injury flared and throbbed.

“Take compliments better? He pinched my ass! Plus that old fart tried to cop a feel. Gah…he’s like 100 years old with hair growing out of his ears and not on his head.” Roy huffed indignantly.

“But he’s your commanding officer. You could have let him down tactfully. Plus why did you have to drag me into it?” Seriously Hughes wished he’d never volunteered for courier duty out to the front lines. He’d been worried about his best friend and needed to see Roy was all right for himself. Maes had no idea that once there his skill with the communications equipment would earn him an instant transfer.

“Tactfully! What? I was supposed to let him give me a hand job then simper like some virgin on her wedding night? He’s lucky I didn’t fry his balls.” Roy stepped in front of his friend and glowered.

“But why did you have to tell him that I suggested putting snakes in his bed? I mean they were harmless sand snakes but still. Really you almost gave the old geezer a heart attack. He’s terrified of the things.” Maes blinked up at Roy wishing that his glasses were not lying on the table across the room. He felt vulnerable when he couldn’t see clearly.

“Over and done with. I’m not sorry I dragged you into it. I’d have died of boredom standing punishment alone. We’re friends right? Share and share alike.” Roy was glad Maes was pretty much prone and not able to get up. If he was the black haired officer was sure he’d be dodging a fist to his face.

“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” Maes muttered. “Where is that damned medic? I’m bleeding to death here!” He squirmed a bit to ease the throbbing. Only making it worse.

“Like I said you wouldn’t be here in the first place if you hadn’t gotten horny and tried to take me against the gatehouse wall.” Roy idly pocketed a tube of petroleum jelly out of the cabinet he stood next to. Never know when that might come in handy.

“Oh who was it that said, if I am correct in quoting you, to fuck me now. Fuck me hard…oh god now Maes!” He smiled as Roy growled.

“Well who was it that had his lips wrapped around my dick in the first place? You know what that does to me.” Roy also pocketed a roll of wide medical tape.

“Turns you into my mindless sex slave?” Maes whispered wickedly.

“SHUT UP!” Roy sputtered as a handful of tongue depressors joined the tape in his pocket.

Before another word could be uttered in their little argument the medic briskly walked into the tent.

“Ah Lieutenant Hughes and Major Mustang. I see you’ve got a bit of a problem here.” The medic peeked under the large pressure bandage covering the Lieutenant’s left butt cheek.

“I don’t have a problem I have a bullet in my ass! Now get it out before I beat you to a bloody pulp!” Maes snarled.

“Temper, temper. It’s not wise to piss off the medic. Now let me see…oh this does not look too bad. Must have been a ricochet. If one of those sniper rifles had gotten you dead on the bullet would have went clean through you and into the next person. Now hold still this might hurt a bit.” The medic filled a syringe and shot Mae’s left glute full of a local anesthetic.

Roy paled at the medic’s speech. He could have lost his best friend, lover and the reason he was still sane in this hellish war. All because of a gross misjudgment on his part. I wouldn’t happen again. He’d make sure Maes stayed safe. After the medic left Roy would show his lover just how glad he was that hadn’t happened.

“So how did this happen? I need to write something for the report.” The medic calmly stated as he grabbed a forceps.

Even with the local Maes gripped the edges of the table hard and gritted his teeth. The medic worked the slim tool into the wound and dug around until he felt it catch on a foreign object. He gripped the small piece of metal and slowly worked it free. He slapped a wad of cotton over the weal of fresh blood. The dropped the implement and retrieved bullet into a small metal basin.

“Lieutenant Hughes was taking a leak around the side of the gatehouse when he got hit. By the time I got over there and grabbed him the shooter was long gone. I guess he saw the flame I kindled in my hand and took off.” Roy looked right into Maes’ green eyes and saw the gratitude there.

“Good enough. Now let me stitch this up and apply a bandage and you’re good to go. I’ll see you get light duty for a couple of days. Oh and stop by the dispensary I’ll have some mild painkillers and an antibiotic waiting. See that you get some help changing the dressing three times a day and apply the cream I’ll also have them give you. I’m sure you can get someone to help you with that.” The medic winked at Roy who just grinned back.

After the medic finished he left Hughes to regain some of his dignity and pull up his pants. As soon as the Lieutenant was ready to go Roy pulled him into a fierce hug.

“Roy? What?” Maes hugged him back and hung on tightly. He was a little woozy.

“I could have lost you. Here I am making fun and that sniper could have killed you. God Maes what would I do? I need you!” Roy buried his face in Maes’ neck.

Usually Roy seemed uncaring and cold to the other recruits. Only Maes it seemed got to see this side of his friend. The fears and insecurities that plagued the dark haired man. Flaws that he managed to hide from the world. But not from his lover.

“Shhhh…its ok Roy. I know you were only kidding. We were stupid tonight and incredibly lucky. We’ll have to confine our playtime to our tent off duty. Now can you help me back? I’d really like to lie down. My ass is killing me.” Maes placed an adoring kiss onto his lover’s lips.

Roy pulled away with a snorted laugh. “Hey that’s usually my line.”

“Are you saying I’m rough with your delectable derrière?” Hughes’ one quirked brow made Roy snort again.

“No I’d say you are just about perfect. Now let’s get out of here before that nosy medic tries to talk us into a threesome.” Roy grinned evilly as Maes spluttered.

Roy made sure to wave jauntily at the shamelessly peeping medic as they strode out of the tent. One nearly disastrous situation averted. Roy intended to Show Maes just how special he was to him. For who knew what tomorrow might bring.


End file.
